


Aftermath

by arcticnewt



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: But Only a Little Bit - Freeform, Dark Thoughts, Drug Use, Implied/Referenced Suicide, Percy Has Issues, Percy Jackson Needs a Hug, Percy Jackson is Not Okay, Recreational Drug Use, Suicidal Thoughts, This is really dark i'm not sure how i ended up writing this, no beta we die like men, not strictly canon compliant, percabeth
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-08
Updated: 2020-08-08
Packaged: 2021-03-06 04:53:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 972
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25787647
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/arcticnewt/pseuds/arcticnewt
Summary: After the final battle with Gaea, Percy's not okay. He contemplates doing something for himself, for once.
Relationships: Annabeth Chase/Percy Jackson
Comments: 6
Kudos: 63





	Aftermath

**Author's Note:**

> Takes place after HoO, not strictly canon compliant.

Honestly, who is Percy when he doesn’t have the weight of the world on his shoulders? 

He’s got no plans- he never thought he’d live long enough to even see college, let alone even consider planning for a life after that. 

Who even  _ cares  _ about him when the world isn’t facing impending doom? 

Certainly not the gods. Since he was a kid, Percy’s life has been all about caring about other people, freaking  _ gods _ , doing their dirty work and saving their asses when actually shouldn’t it be the immortal, powerful beings be the ones protecting the demigods? 

His entire life has been about cleaning up other people’s fucking messes. Broken oaths, neglected children, prophecy meddling. Hades, his very existence was someone else’s mistake that caused wars that he had to fix. It’s not like he asked for any of this. 

Couldn’t he have just gone to college like a normal kid? Percy saved the world  _ twice _ , and it’s still not enough. He’s still a mistake, a burden. Couldn’t he have some normalcy? Or at least some concern from the all powerful beings whose asses he just saved. 

Apparently that’s too much to ask. 

Maybe he’s looking for concern or love or  _ whatever  _ in the wrong place- but it seems ridiculous that Percy’s fucked in the head, probably PTSD, and the gods don’t even care because the world is safe so they don’t need him anymore. He can crack and break and shatter without a second thought from the very beings he’s saved so many times. 

You save the world and you’re  _ discarded _ , like a toy outgrown, or rubbish. 

He’s the hero who saved the world, but who is going to save  _ him _ ? He refuses to pray because if the gods haven't given him a second glance after he saved the world, then it's not like throwing pancakes into the bonfire will make any difference. 

It’s so tiring. Percy doesn’t even sleep an entire night at this point. He wakes up screaming, thrashing in the darkness of Cabin 3. Riptide glows in his hands as he attacks monsters which only exist in his mind.

This is the aftermath of loyalty, he supposes. Going to war, winning wars for his godly family- but at what cost? 

He has never felt more alone. 

It’s not like anyone notices- or maybe they refuse to notice. If Percy’s breaking at the seams, then what does that mean for everyone else? His friends need him to be the strong one because he’s  _ Percy _ . Unstoppable force of nature, thwarting gods, titans, primordials, he supposes people need to look to someone for strength. 

A short, bitter laugh escapes his throat- he’s defeated Kronos and Gaia but is losing to his own thoughts daily. 

He can’t take all the credit though, in those battles he had his friends by his side. But not for this fight- he refuses to drag them into his own personal hell. Maybe it's his fatal flaw, maybe it's his pride, but the other demigods have had enough struggle for a lifetime and then some. 

His friends have their own demons to grapple with, and they’re doing a damn better job than Percy is. 

Gods, Annabeth has moved on loads better than he has. Designing Olympus, finishing her studies in New Rome- she doesn’t need him. Or deserve someone who is struggling with their inner darkness as much as Percy is. She’s too  _ light _ , too  _ good _ , even after- especially after Tartarus. She’d understand. Of course she would. But Percy is too scared to even be near her and taint her with the pain and darkness and resentment that’s bubbling up in his chest.

The world is moving on around him, and he’s stuck in thoughts and memories of Tartarus and death and pain and how  _ satisfying  _ it was to just be angry and torture monsters and gods without a second thought. 

Percy takes a drag of his joint. He’s surprised that something like weed has an effect on demigods, but he’ll take it. His mind is not a nice place to be. 

It hasn’t been for a while. 

He twirls a pistol in his right hand. 

It gleams gold in the darkness. 

Seems like such a waste, he thinks. The Hephaestus cabin had mastered celestial bronze ammunition around the time Gaea’s uprising had ended, never to be used for the right reasons. 

He presses his right temple against the barrel of the gun, almost like one would put their hand against their head in thought. 

A lot of beings, monsters, gods, assume that he’s dumb. He’s saved the world twice, give him some damn credit.

He’s thinking now, isn’t he? 

This isn’t the first time Percy’s train of thought has led him here. It happens at the oddest times- sometimes it’s nights like this. Other times, he’s in the middle of teaching sword fighting classes and he starts to think of how easy it would be to make one wrong move and be done with it all. Or maybe he’s hanging out with his friends and seeing them all laughing and he’ll feel resentment bubbling in his throat- why is it so easy for them? Or maybe the question is why is it so hard for him? He's alive, isn't he? But he's definitely not _living_. 

Percy really hates being a hero. He’s the one that can never break (and therefore never heal). Even after the war, he's still responsible for everyone else- he can't crack, he has to be strong for everyone else who's watching because he's Percy Jackson and he can withstand anything ~~or so they say~~.

Green eyes stare blankly into the darkness, a finger sliding the safety off. 

Percy isn’t crying. There is no shake in his hands.

Calmness washes over him in waves. 

For once, he does something for himself.

* * *

Then, silence. 

**Author's Note:**

> Wrote this in the middle of the night last year and found it in my archives during quarantine- decided to post it just for the hell of it. I guess it's kind of messy because Percy's been through a lot of shit, in my head he has the right to be a bit erratic.


End file.
